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:	post by ellesarusrex at 2008-08-18 12:00:30

so this morning im having a rough time with heart palpitations. generally in the early hours of the day.. these are due to overexertion. or springing out of bed without allowing time to collect consciousness.. today however.. i have not done an activity to introduce these overwhelming waves of pulsation. i have become incredibly cognizant of the interjection of medication the natural functions of my body. most recently my heart.. and circulation. for the past year i have been in a drug study basically to postpone the inevitable aortic valve replacement surgery i dread. and also to perhaps find a better stabilization for my sons heart.. and arrest any further damage to be done on either of our bodies. it is mostly trying that im swallowing a handful of pills each morning in hopes that i can be at ease with my internal deterioration. this heavy burden on my mind has definately fucked with me. this morning i did not take the losartan.. im naturally confused about having signed up for such an epic drug study. im sure none of you care nor know why i posted it on here.. but i dont know anyone else really going through what im experiencing.. i go back to the hospital in early september..this will be my second echo since introducing the meds into my body. i think if there is no positive developments shown in the testing.. i may resign from being a part of this specific study.. and cuff myself to a future of surgery and quite possibly a sooner death. sorry this shit is serious. i kind of wanted to be heard for a minute. too many close friends will worry if i express this to them.. and most of you dont give a shit.. i figured people post about their gas problems and girlfriends cooking skills.

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