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:	post by Kimothy Kelly at 2012-08-29 23:09:46

Hey you, yeah you the tattooed up Hesher thrashing to Bolt Thrower in your room. You need to get in shape in a bad way and headbanging to Seasons in the Abyss isn't cutting it anymore. Thus I present the hesher approved work out plan. It works, I should know because as the official merch little sister of metal I once stenciled a Disma logo on a pink 2lb kettlebell I got from Target. My workout plan is in the vein of all the classic black metal weightlifters, Patera, Planet Fitness, Iron Gym and Abglider. Fusing all of those with a workout playlist from the grim ice dales that gets you pumped to do bicep curls with your back, knee pushups and completely avoid squats. But the key to it all is overcoming adversity by striking back at a society that discourages hessian heavy lifting, you won't find such an oppressive state in Dyker Heights so you're gonna have to leave Brooklyn for an ultra repressive anti-metal society. The perfect place to get shredded on broscience while sticking it in the face of the anti-hesher squares? A frozen kingdom where metal is crime and fitness is law, Nordictrac.

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