AndrewBastard_4real said

[orig][quote]

So this is long overdue but but here goes.

As you all know, I went through a couple years of IV heroin and cocaine addiction.
I tired it once, fell in love and it went downhill from there just like it does for everyone else that uses it and despite warnings from friends and loved ones that I was going to lose control, I kept using and did some awful shit to good people; people I care. I burned a lot of irreparable bridges...

I live in Providence now and made the desicion to go to a show at Dusk tonight (Aug 22nd) and was fairly public about my attendance via Facebook. As a result, a few people that do still care about me, for whatever reason warned me not to go because people were gunning for me. I also got into it in a FB thread with Robin where I got mouthy and I suppose I regret that. My frustration stems from the fact that I'm being accused and therefore threatened for something I did not do: steal One Fund money.

I'll start off by saying some of the shit I DID do and NEVER denied: I broke into the PanzerBastard practice space with a fire extinguisher (NOT to disguise it as a robbery...there are cameras in there...I simply didnt have a key and was a desperate junky). I then took Chris Gigueres Les Paul and pawned it because I had already pawned everything else I owned and in my diseased mind, that was the next step. The intention was to get enough dope to kill me but alas, it was not meant to be.... I owned up to taking his guitar THAT day to him and told him I'd get it back. I was in the throws of addiction and never managed to get it back for him at that time because I was arrested shortly there after for felony larceny...people that dont believe that, I dont know what to tell you but it's the truth. Anyway, that was my first stint in rehab...Oct 31st of 2013.
I have since been to court with Chris over this matter, he got his guitar back and I paid retribution to the pawn shop. Whether he forgives me or not isn't the issue, I wasn't asking for forgiveness, I simply wanted to do the right thing.

Now regarding the One Fund situation... I worked at a print shop as many of you may know so I printed 100 posters to sell at the event. These posters cost me $1 each to print, I sold them for like $3 or $4 at the show. I recouped MY $100 (and probably put that $100 into my arm just like I did with every other dollar I earned/stole)...I was also the one selling the shirts. Towards the end of the night, before the last 2 bands had even gone on, we barely had any shirts left and I was dopesick so I gave ALL the cash profits from the shirts AND the posters to two of the girls running the raffle next to me and took off to get my fix...with MY money.
I dont know anything about mail order posters...I printed 100 posters and they all came to that show with me. No one should have paid me for one and not received one right there and then; I'm not sure where that rumor started.

I lived with Mike Notshaver in JP at this time...I'm not pointing any fingers or saying he stole the money: I'm simply saying, I did NOT see or touch a dime of that money after that night. He did start giving me cash for H and coke on the DL every now and then and I never asked where that money came from but he had a job AND this was happening BEFORE the One Fund show so...I dunno. I was not "in the know" about all this, there was no scheme hatched between him and I...if that money was in his possession and it's never been accounted for, thats on HIM, not me.

I was working while living in JP with Mike and giving him $400 every month for the 6+ months I lived there...right around the end of all this BS, I got an email from our landlord saying he hadn't received a red cent in rent money from me OR Mike in months. I assumed rent was being paid when I gave Mike my cash every month but apparently it wasn't. I never met or saw the landlord, the only reason he emailed me is because Mike wouldnt respond to him, I guess. He had my email addy from when I emailed him a scan of the signed lease when I moved in. The dude lived in NYC in case any of you are wondering why he didnt just come to the house. I even stole cash from a roommate I lived with in Arlington that I barely knew after Serge gave me the benefit of the doubt and let e come live with him. Talk about a kid with a huge heart, who tried to help me over and over and over and I just spit in his face. Lying to, hurting and betraying a friend that magnitude is soul crushing, let me tell you.

Regarding Codex Obscurum...it's a pretty bad idea to start something like that when you're a junky but it does need to be said that I didnt start that zine for dope money...in fact I did a SHITLOAD of work for that zine while I was involved and I'd say 90% of the people got their zines...towards the end of my participation with it, things got really shitty and destitute on my end; some people paid and never got their zines and some of the people who worked on the zine with me sent me $$ to have CO shirts made up which never got made and they never got their money back. Thats fucking shitty and I hate that I did that. I hate that ANY of this shit went down, but heroin is a hellovadrug. Those people I owe money to will get it back in time. I've been struggling with this addiction ever since all this BS up until about 4 months ago (been clean the past 4 months)...I'm STILL struggling with it...I always will be but now I'm actually getting my shit together, moving past all this guilt, depression, regret etc and trying to make some amends to the people I stole from and the people I hurt, betrayed, manipulated and lied to.

That drug ruled my life. I abandoned every value, virtue and shred of integrity I've ever had to get unsick and it eats me up inside everyday. Friends, family, loved ones etc... I wallow in guilt every morning when I wake up and every night when I put my head on my pillow and try to fall asleep.

I cant change the past, I can only hope to be a better person today, and tomorrow and the day after that.

I needed to get this all off my chest before I got jumped over something I didn't do.

There are some people I burned that have every right to hate me and never forgive me, but the One Fund Witch Hunters are not among those people. I have a clean conscience in regards to that situation.

So there you have it in a nutshell.
Every word of this is Goats Honest Truth

Sincerely,
Andrew, the huge pussy not going to the show in providence tonight because he just got out of the ACI and cant risk getting arrested and doing the 3 year bid hanging over his head and who doesnt want to get beat up by 50 people over something he didn't do because getting beat up sucks.

this is probably just turn into your classic RTTP anon troll thread, but at least its out there for the world to see.