Yeah right, we´re all here, eating well, getting fat and being general pests to all the Peruvians. See y´all in a month, suckas.

sAweet!

wait..bring me back a present!

Tour is going very well. Food is phenomnial. Fans are AMAZING!!!! Speaking lots of espanol. great beer too. Already two cameras filled with pictures. 200 people in Huancayo, wicked violent pit, we played on the floor and had a group of people restrainign everyone. muy loco en peru!! Met the dudes from Mortem in Lima and they were incredibly nice. Everyone is very gracious and humble. Scenery is amazing, long bus trips through the mountains. We had a touch of elevation sickness for a bit but we all feel quite well today. In Trujillo tonight, and off to Piura tomorrow. Bought a leahter jacket and mayhem beanie in Lima. tons of bootleg shirts! i bought a vital remains shirt today for about 6 american dollars. 20 bucks = 57 peruvian sols. amazing country, amazing culture. i wish america could be like this. shit talkers only exist and hide in america.

Massachusetts sucks!

VIVA SOUTH FUCKING AMERICA

i hate you guys. burn in a firery pit of satans.

oh yeah, rock it.

Blue said:

when i saw the thread at first i laughed, then i thought "wait a second, kidnapped by the gurillas the apes, or by human rebel gurillas that kidnap tourists and hold them for ransom?" either way would have been awesome though

Kalopsia said:

all i can think of now is the movie captain ron.

geurillas = vehement people

gorillas = apes

yeah yeah yeah, usa is so bad, but look where you crawl back to

The geurillas cut off one of my hands!!!! Now I don´t have an option when I masterbate!!!!
In Quito. Everythingçs going cool. None of you are getting souvenires!
(we´re spending 8-10 hours a day on buses so stuff it)

I bet everyone look like terence down there.

I bet everyone smells like mike down there

thats so great guys!
you all deserve that tour!

\m/
sleep with lots of hot latino women

dyingmuse said:

basically, you mean be abstinent?

awesome that you guys are having fun!!! stay safe dudes!
josh kill that bass!

You visit Chile yet?
Say hi to my peeps!!!

so.......really..........how much coke have you guys done so far?

get tons of chicks preggo too.

Hello Freinds,
This will be my last post ever on rttp and the internet. I am expecting to die tonight. There is political unrest in the county of Tumes, where we are currently stranded. The roads are barricaded by protesters. Last night we rode a solid 14 hours from Quito to the boarder. We had nothing to eat the whole day, I had a pepsi for breakfest and a beer on the bus for dinner. We were forced to stay a night in Peru in an unknown town, I think it was Huanicallo. We tried to get through the roads again this morning but there were several people there with fires and such blocking the way. We drove around the barracades for a good 2 hours through the desert in a Toyota Corona to where we are now, Tumes, Northern Peru. I do mean desert, like vultures, catcus and dirt for miles and miles and miles. We were expecting to be shot at anytime. We should be fine if we get to Piura, which is 4 hours away and we leave as soon as our car gets a new exhaust, since it kept falling off in the desert.
All in all, this has been a tough few days for us. We have til thursday to reach Ica in the south. The Ecuador shows were cool. The first one was fun, Ecuador is the circle pit capital of the world! We got cocked everynight in ecuador, or at least me and seth did. Cuenca the 2nd show there has the most metal club on the face of the planet. it{s actually a guys house built on a graveyard with an insane stage and tons of wicked rare metal items for sale. Quito had 500 people and we closed out a week long fest that was there. I was fortunate to get laid by a beautiful senorita in Quito as well. I got cocked off wine for the first time since I was 15, hopefully i don{t have a son named Jaime! Yes, I{ve been offered coca everynight i{ve been here, but i have declined every offer. the grass is decent. everyone rolls it but no one seems to have papers so we hallow out cigarettes.
So anyways, we{re all gonna die tonight. I miss you fuckers. See yah in hell!
Your friend,
Joshua Lee Staples
ps, i scored a super rare Burzum long sleeve Det Son Engang Var in quito for 8 bucks!

i hope you wore a condom my dear Joshua

and where or where are you posting from in the desert?

miss you guys!
<3

one more post,
Yeah i got rubbers but mi muy borracho and i{m sure you can guess what happened. i havn{t showered since so i have a lovely fragrence on my that reminds me of paradise, which is handy when we pass heaping trash fires. everynight is a cinderalla story.
You use the internet here by the half hour, you hafta pay. it{s 1 sol. which equals about 25 cents i guess. fuck i guess that{s all i hafta say. i do my best to establish conntact again. i miss my mommy too. : P

estas borracho cuando aqui....
o pues, tartas pero tienes 19 annos no 21.

Sounds like fun, as long as you live to tell about it!

i just got this email

hahahaha

Hola, soy un admirador de tu excelente trabajo, no tan solo de tu trabajo si no de tu personalidad, eres muy dinamica en tus post tengo mucho tiempo obserbando tu trabajo y me gusta mucho como lo haces, te deseo el mayor de los exitos en tu carrera y espero que me escribas para saber que reciviste mi mensaje, no hablo mucho ingles por eso te mando este mensaje en mi idioma (español), soy de Republica Dominicana, bueno nada disculpa si te molesto pero queria saludarte desde hace tiempo....

dont die dude. at least get laid again first....

christraper said:

Yeah I second that.

fucking right man!!!!!!!!!!!!! that rocks!!!!!!! dont die cause we want the stories in person!!!!!!!

\m/

Yeah, so we went to the barracade and there is no way we can get through. We are stuck in Tumbes for an unknown time. We{ve taken the bus the whole trip and all was well until last night. Our desert journey was amazing though. Picture miles and miles of mint dirt bike trails. We found an old altar of sacrifice in the middle of it all on top of a hill. We passed through rice fields and many trash piles. saw lots of dead animals like dogs and pigs. there are so many stray dogs down here its nuts. we don{t know when we can leave here. the protests are against the corrupt police. there are no alternate routes like the one we did this morning because the roads are too dangerous. our car would have most likely been flipped over as well as our shit stolen if we drove into the barracade. we don{t know if we{re going to make our show last 4 shows in the South, us being raging pessimistic fucks are expecting the worst, so we{re just trying to enjoy our vacation now. shitty thing is i hate this fucking city and there are no metal folk around unlike every other place we{ve been too. i{ve been staying sane by singing bruisers and pouges songs in my head, good thing i brought some tunes and michael moores new book. our only opition to leave is to fly out but we would have to leave our manager because they don{t do flights for 5 people. plus it goes to a city that could possibly be barracaded too. it sucks cause even the police don{t communicate to each other on what the hell is going on in other parts of the country. we{re dying to get back to Lima more than anything. that and we{re dying for all the crap that is in amerikkka. this barracade bullshit has turned the tour upside down and there is nothing that we, the government, or the police can do about it. thank gawd i can surf the net for a bit.

that is fuct

what Josh said.

Mikey and Seth just walked in and said theres a chance we could get through tonight at midnight, we shall see. I dying for some fish and chips, clam cakes, baby back ribs, steak tips, and normal keyboards.

I KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO!!!
I thought this up all my self!
have terence and seth put on loin cloths and roll around in the dirt a bit. then you can tie josh and mike up and carry them on sticks like pigs. then you can fool the savages in the streets into thinking that YOU guys are with them and you have prisoners. then when you get to the other side, BLOW UP THE DEATHSTAR! er.. wait.. I mean go to your next show.

I{m sure you are.

what do we do with 9 pieces of luggage ¡

hm.. looks like we're going to need another timmy

the man, the myth, the reverend.

yeah, definetly blow up the deathstar.

When we played in DC last time there was a small army of dudes from El Salvador that were all about it. They ruled. I'd like to hear how they pronounce your band name. For that weekend we were "Raindo Asso Biolenz"


I miss those dudes.

blow a huge rail of coke and go out like scarface!

I injured my ribs, somehow, and extremely sick, i want to die, but everything else is going awesome. Oh and my teeth feel like they are gonna fall out! see everyone soon!

Hola, we caught a bus out of Tumbes early the next morning. We still lost time cause bolders were in the road and it took time for them to clear it out. one bus we passed had a windsheild totally smashed in from banditos! last two shows we played were outside, and it{s fucking cold down here. we go to puno in a few minutes. up in the mountains home to lake titicaca. they tell us there is snow there, yah. tonight we play puno and tomorrow it{s tacna then we go to lima for two days to rest and back home. i had some photos printed up and the dude spelt my name Yoach.

lake titicaca!

Well we played our last show last night. Fun times! I fell on stage and a kid dumped a 2 liter bottle of rum or whiskey all over me! We ride to Lima tonight for an 18 hour bus trip. We should be in Miami come Thursday. Hopefully back in MA by Saturday. 11 days with out a shower! My cow lick is more scene than ye all!

i wish i was a fucking rock star.

what a fucking tour!

josh you are a gay! hahahahaha, the people of puno ask me about you , specialy the girlz XD, carefull and, return soon to peru , we wait you here with a lot off beer and marijane XD, death metal rulzz!

Ronald said:

who let the foreign guy try to speak english?

i agree with S.O.D. speak english or die. is now a bad time to say george bush should be re-elected and target all non white, non english speaking countries?

speak english or die only applies in the us.

Josh Said--->who let the foreign guy try to speak english?
i agree with S.O.D. speak english or die. is now a bad time to say george bush should be re-elected and target all non white, non english speaking countries?
----

well...when I said josh was for the one that belongs to ascendancy, you do not confuse...XD

rev. speak english or die is whereever i see fit worldwide.

ronald. sorry. kinda. maybe almost.

joshcendency. stop being named josh. that goes for josh martin and all others too.

BornSoVile en Tacna said:

yick! you all need bath and body works care baskets now.

yoach got much taller on the trip.

Well our flight was pushed back from 4 am to 6 am so me and mikey are killing time now in the internet store.
Ronald, is that you Lazy Ted?
Bored as fuck right now.
Ascendancy catch phrases for the tour,
¨Sandwhiches¨
¨Nada en EE UU¨
¨Do they have Gold channel?¨
¨What time is it? better yet what day is it?¨
¨Terence what the fuck did he just say?¨
¨Chicas bonita¨
¨Pollo¨
¨Mas violencia¨
¨Mas cerversa¨
¨FTW¨

Key stats,
I consumed about 66 beers
Terence coughed 1,000 plus times
Mike puked twice
Seth broke a drum set every night
Kissed tons of girls
to many autographs signed to remember
played for roughly 2,000 fans
all together traveled between 6,000 to 8,000 miles, we´re still computing this one.
and yes we broke a heart that belongs to Lazy Ted.

Should be back in Boston by Friday morning. Can someone get me into Boston´s Dead one last time? I turn 21 on the 13.

Or is Ronald the dude that went to Puno with us? email me you cahksucker, odiumvile@hotmail.com

oh we also had three accidents,
hit one dog
hit one goat
hit one van

Puno stats,
4 monitor dives
2 stage dives
1 kid fell into seth´s kit
drunk people passing out on the floor and stage
lots of ¨viva boston¨ comments
14 songs
14 2x4´s held up by probably 16 crates made a stage
3 cover bands
pits from start to finish on the front and right of the stage
i was almost attacked by a rabid dog
to many laughs!

More phrases:
"Asshole."
"Where the fuck is Lalo?"
"What a dick."
"Pizza Hut."
"No se."
"No comprendo."
"No hablo español."
"Where Aaron? We need pictures of this shit."
"You owe me XX soles."
"No, you owe me XXX soles."
"Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh."

I went 13 days without a shower. I beat Josh. I was the smelliest. We went 36 hours without food at one point. Sick numerous times. Puked twice in the last three days. Once on the street, once in the bathroom at TGI Fridays, not their fault, their food was great.

None of you know what a real Ceasar Salad is, and you´ll have to pay me to find out... the hard way. Smell y´all later, bitches. I´ts time to sleep on the concrete floor of the airport until some silly snappy bitches tell us we´re still fucked. Having a blast and a half! See everyone soon!

Final stat on Puno:
NO AMPLIFIERS.
JUST PA.
DON´T
ASK.

Puno was by far the best date on the tour. Ok time to go get ready to board and sleep.
I promise to post 20 times in one hour when I return to EE UU.

that was fun to read

BornSoVile en Aeropuerto de Lima said:

corrected for you.

hehe hi josh(ascendancy) yes i am that guy XD, well im in home again and i sleep in the streets becose my wife dont understand anything (you know) she said "where are you mothef... hahaha whatever, great experience, see you band in a nex time, stay ascendancy and..be careful whit the puno´s ungry Dog XD

the last 24 hours were the worst hell ever. I hate airports. Good to be back in the good ol US. We're caught up in Hurricane Charly in Florida, we should be back home on Friday.

so fucking awesome, please tell me you guys video taped any of this? i'll buy 5 copies and pee my self with laughter

pieso que Ronald necesite visitar a boston.

you mean "pienso" not "pieso"

oopies.. and I was wondering if I was suppose to use the subjunctive (like I did) or not. I always forget.

my work just sent out this email:
Due to Hurricane Frances all employees and contractors in the Boca, Orlando and Coral Gables offices may go home.

~~~
hope the guys are already gone

if they survived south america i think they can make it through a hurricane

Hurrican Wetback

Shadley kidnapped Mohawk and friends?
Shit.
I thought he was on his honeymoon.

Shadley got married last weekend btw... making babies!

Phantos said:

Wasn't that the basis behind planet of the apes?

yes.

Home sweet fucking home! fuck!!!!!! We drove for about 30 hours to get back from Miami!!! 6 1/2 hours in Florida traffic!! We stayed in West Palm Beach at some friends home, right in the impact zone.
2 more important catch phrases
"Lalo, what did she just say" or "Lalo, what is this girl saying"
"Tienes Marijuana?"
Ronald, you sick evil fuck! Get up to MA for a show sometime and bring Georgi Darkest with you! We'll take care of you! Mi casa es tu casa!

Jesus Christ what a good time.
The trip back was grueling as fuck.

South America Tour Part II........someday.

i hope you all have taken nice long showers. hehehe

my hair actually started to dreadlock.

dreadlocks are nasty! looks like a head full of poops

yes. Thank the lord for shampoo and conditioner here at home.

it feels so good to stack dirty dishes in my room again.

I still havent adjusted to real life yet.

good to see yall are back! yayeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHA, my Krisiun shirt glows in the dark wild!

from being dirty???

naw, there's a big pentagram on the front side that glows, you know that special shade of white that naturally does it. It's so goofy, i can't wait wear it on stage.

but if you did, it might make it into the funny faces thread

hey josh..aaron and i were at killfest when you IM'ed me

welcome home!!!!