Forum.RttP{Funny shit (for Kiss fans only)}

Josh_Martin said:

Excerpted from Kiss and Tell by Gordon G. G. Gebert, Bob McAdams. Copyright © 1997. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter 8 - "Nazis Invade The L'Ermitage"

1980 was the last year Ace toured with KISS until their reunion tour in 1996. (When you hear this story you'll understand why).

Ace was a big time collector of "Nazi" regalia. In fact, he would contact antique dealers specializing in that sort of stuff whenever we were on the road.

We were in Los Angeles when Ace, Big John Hart (one of the bodyguards for KISS) and I went to the home of a guy who had an extensive collection of Nazi war memorabilia. Ace spent about $10,000 on two Nazi uniforms. They were the complete uniforms from head to toe, with real insignias, belts, holsters - the works. He also bought a bunch of other miscellaneous war items. I am personally not into that stuff, but I must say the uniforms were quite impressive.

KISS had off that night, so we went on a drinking spree. We were doing blow and popping valium all day and by the time we got back to the L'Ermitage, a very prestigious hotel in Los Angeles, it was around six p.m. We were both blitzed and we fell out for a few hours.

When we finally got up, I went downstairs to the cigarette machine in the bar and met these two very hot girls. I rapped with them for a while and told them that I would call them from my room if they waited at the bar. I went upstairs to tell Ace that I met these two incredibly hot babes - a blonde and a brunette. Ace got very excited and, of course, claimed automatic rights to the blonde, sight unseen.

So, we called them up to the room and ordered some champagne with a little orange juice. We were joking about how we needed something nutritious in our systems, referring to the O.J. We drank our mimosas and then cranked out the blow.

I had a great idea. "Let's go up to the Jacuzzi." Luckily for us there was no one using it and we went in nude. Ace and I started making out with them. I got a blow job under water. It was great.

We finally went back to the room, drank more mimosas and did more coke. We were having a great time. We did a little of the old in-out, in-out and eventually told them to put on the Nazi hats. They both obeyed our request and put on the officer's hat and the belts. My girl had thigh high boots, the belt, and the hat. Wow! She looked just like Charlotte Rampling in the movie The Night Porter. They looked decadent. In a few minutes, they started to go down on each other! It was incredible. Every guy's wet dream to see two beautiful babes in Nazi gear making love to each other!

It was around midnight and we were all still pretty high. The blonde (the one Ace was with) went into the bathroom and started screaming, "My hair! My fucking hair turned green!"

While in the Jacuzzi, I put this "pine stuff" in the water. It was supposed to make the water smell like pine. And, it did. But, it also turned her hair green because of her bleached hair. If she was a natural blonde, it wouldn't have happened. She was really pissed off. She split with her girlfriend.

Ace and I were left alone to amuse ourselves. Ace said, "Let's put on the Nazi uniforms."

So we put on the pants, the boots, the long officer's coats. We slicked our long hair back and put on the officer's hats. We definitely looked like German officers in a war movie. Ace had a huge boom box and he put on a cassette of a Hitler march. We started marching around the room. Ace pulled out more blow and we did another hit.

Then Ace blurted out, "Let's go to Gene's room!"

I was like, "I don't think that's a good idea. Ace." But like the real Nazi storm-troopers, I blindly followed my leader. Once again, the idiot that I am, I listened to him.

I followed Ace into the hallway with the boom box blaring. People were opening their doors to see what was going on. They'd slam the doors shut when they saw these two nuts marching through the hallways. We marched to Gene's hotel room door. Ace put the boom box on the ground, next to the door.

It was still blasting the march with a Hitler speech and throngs of people yelling 'Zieg Heil.' We started banging on Gene's door.

Gene's yelling, "Who is it? What do you want?" He was fucking some girl.

Ace started yelling, "Open up the door, Jew!"

Ace and I kicked the fucking door open. We broke the lock and everything. We marched into the room with the Nazi uniforms on. Ace was screaming, "Zieg Heil!." The girl was freaking out.

At first, Gene got a kick out of it. Then, Paul Stanley came out of his room and he got really pissed off. Fucking offended was more like it.

Of course, Ace started laughing hysterically. It was all just a big joke. Gene and Paul called Big John to come to the room and do something about Ace. But Big John couldn't stand Gene and Paul either. Big John liked Ace and Peter because he could get high around them and be himself. He had to be more business-like in front of Gene and Paul.

At this point, I was completely ashamed that I did this. Once again, I got dragged into the moment but that's no excuse. The thing that made this so bad was both Gene's parents were holocaust survivors.

Gene and Paul couldn't really do anything to Ace because he was in the band, but they would always look at me like I was a fucking asshole.

I guess I deserved it that time.