All hail the detox drink. Allowing me to successfully cheat my way through yet another retarded fucking drug test. Now I can return to work!

where did you get this and for how much? how many days do you need before you should piss? like, can I smoke weed at Angelcorpse on Sunday when I have a drug test on Wenesday?

I got it at GNC for like $50. After not smoking for somewhere between 24 and 36 hours i drank the stuff about hour before the test.


...however, after I called my temp agency to return the message about being "all set" for work on Monday, they just told me that they have to finalize some tests first. that could be bad. more info to come.

maybe they saw your thread on RTTP

RTTP is one of the topic hits for almost everything you know.

FuckIsMySignature said:

okay, so I got a bottle of this and will be taking it around 10 tonight since I just had dinner. I have a test tomorrow for the D.O.T. and I'm hoping this will work. I smoked last at like 1 in the morning last night but I'm going to push my luck since I'm on pace to have my 10th glass of water by the time I drink this.
Important stuff - will I yack and crap?

Keep drinking water.

I would take it a little more then an hour before the test like FIMS did, since the detectable chemicals in weed are fat-desolved and take a while to leave your system, but if the instructions say an hour, I'd take their word for it.

This stuff might even show up on a drug test as a questionable substance, as I know some drug tests test for drug evac products and fake urine.

well i still have my job.. so i must have passed (even though i was never officially told so.) but as for the drink method- the first time i used a beer funnel which worked moderately well. The next time, I did double shots of it every 10 minutes or so. You are gonna feel like you wanna throw it up and start gaggin after drinking about 3/4 of it (the grape flavor is worthless) but just take a couple deep breaths you'll keep it down. Also it gave me explosive diahrea...good luck soldier.

I wouldn't even worry about it. Josh has put MUCH grosser things in his mouth.

Niccolai said:


it wasnt so much the taste that made me want to puke, it was more like that poorly timed tequila shot that punches you in the stomach from the inside out.

A group of friends talked me into taking 10 shots of tequila on cinco de mayo for 200 bucks.

goes down like honey.

so did this shit make you feel like pure or something? you know how clear headed you get after not smoking for 3 days or how healthy you feel after you don't smoke a cigarette for like a week.

I think they work by breaking down the perticular chemicals tests look for in your urine, so I don't think they have any effect on your body outside of your digestive tract.

I also know they are very bad for you if used frequently.

okay, I'm half way through my first of 4 glasses.

dude this shit is heavy, it's taken me about an hour to drink about 14 ounces.

actually i've done about 22 ounces.

it made me feel like i wanted to smoke a blunt. i didnt feel any positive effects besides the relief of gaining employment.

it's fucking filling, I'm on my last glass...

... also i'm fairly certain it is only a concentrated mix of the same chemicals found in most laxatives.

i still havn't shit!

the saga continues...

So my drug test came back negative, however, it also shows that my urine was deluded with water. Because of this I have to be retested immediately in the morning. Luckily, my temp agency is sympathetic to my situation and suggested that I get someone elses clean urine, put it in a visine bottle and use that for the test. My whole life right now hinges on this job so I gotta get this right.

urine obtaind.. ... liquid gold.

i heard at some testing places a person stands in the room with you while you piss

oh yeah, they also like to have blue toilet water so you can't dip the cup.

can you use this shit for opiates?

or better yet

how long do opiates stay in your system?

i use to piss in a cup for a friend of mine for 20 bucks haha. we'd drive up to the hospital and i'd piss in the parking lot. he would then bring it up to test. he's done that like twice and some lady stood behind him the whole time. some how he managed to jock the piss in a cup and unscrew it through his zipper. pretty straight forward thinking if you ask me.

FuckIsMySignature said:

IMPORTANT!!!

Most employer piss tests check the temperature of the urine to make sure you aren't sneaking in someone elses piss. It has to be between 90 and 100 degrees F.
The one time I had to pee for a job the very very first thing they did after I handed them the specimen bottle was check the temperature.
Here's how I got it to pass.
The night before the test I had a clean friend piss in a bottle for me. The next morning I poured the piss into a plastic baggie and submerged the baggie into hot hot hot water. Left it in the water for a while and when I left home to go take the test I sealed the baggie and rolled it into a sock and stuffed the sock down into my crotch (your crotch is the warmest place on your body)
By the time I had to take the test the temperature was just right.

I've never heard of an employer piss test standing over your shoulder while you pee. That's pretty much only for probation piss tests.

that's the exact reason why i'd piss in the parking lot of the facility.

Josh_Martin said:


I took a similar approach. I heated the piss with a hair dryer and then strapped a heating pad with a small squeeze bottle containing the urine to my inner thigh to keep it warm. Luckily, when I got there it was some young chick who wasnt all that particular about checking temperature. Now, its back to the waiting game.

Let me know if it works. When I was on probation I used to buy this drink from GNC called Q-Carbo but that was like 6 years ago and I've heard they can tell if you use that nowadays.

Question: How would i go about storing urine for any future drug tests that may come up... i have some leftover and it would be a shame to waste it seeing as how about 0.01% of the people i know don't use drugs.

Drug tests are such bullshit. Good luck Jawsh and Tom!

FuckIsMySignature said:

i would say put it in the fridge. just make sure you dont mistake it for yer koolaid or something.

thnx pam... good luck is hard to come by these days.

Fuckin' tell me about it.

FuckIsMySignature said:

Hahahahaha, that's an awful lot to go through to have your privacy violated and rights trampled. Explosive diahrea and $50 to pass an invasive pointless test, seriously why bother?

HailAtWork said:


Why? Because if I don't get this job, I'll have no income to support myself and will have to move back in with my parents. I'd say that's motivation enough.

pam said:

Oh, I don't have to take piss tests anymore. I just like to keep up with the latest ways to beat them because you never know....


Thanks though.

Why do people think drug tests are rediculous?

I wouldn't some crack head working at my store steeling money for drugs or showing up to the job half dead.

When my brother was doing heroine he used to have me pee into a condom and he'd poke a hole into it and it would appear like the was pissing into the cup.

This all stopped when I had a friend who I knew was doing drugs piss in the condom and gave it to my brother.


Tough love.

Niccolai said:

Uh, probably because heroin and cocaine are out of your system within 3 days while pot stays in for 30 days. Drug tests are really marijuana tests. If you're only doing hard drugs those piss tests are insanely easy to beat.
Not to mention the whole, y'know, freedom to do what I want on my own time thing. That's just slightly important.

Niccolai said:

Being a sneaky little lying shit is not tough love. That is fucked up and you deserve to have had your ass beat for that.

Josh_Martin said:

I was talking about BornSoVile, but I would have wished you luck too, so you're welcome anyway.

Josh_Martin said:

Exactly ^

Bull
Shit.

you dont need a drug test to tell you if someone's doing crack. it's pretty obvious. marijuana drug tests just mean that companies have to fire good workers for doing something thats technically illegal on their own time.

Josh_Martin said:

Ha, I say!

It's how I help pieces of shit that won't help themselves.

The problem isnt necessarily drug tests because, you raise a valid point. The problem is that marijuana is illegal and its hindering abilities to get a good job. Despite the fact that I am fully qualified for the job and only smoke on my own time. There is a massive difference between being a pothead and being a crack/heroin junky. Its a common sense issue.

I will agree that it's stupid to fire a good worker that shows up all the time and goes above and beyond if they fail a drug test reguardless of what drugs they're doing. If they are working to the best of their ability, it doesn't matter what they do in their free time.

I don't think weed is a huge deal and I wouldn't fire a good employee over it, but I wouldn't give a job to someone who's tests come possative for hard drugs. Simple as that. I wouldn't trust hard drug users to show up, no less controll money.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for buisinesses to not want drug addicts, just like it's perfectly reasonable for buisinesses to not hire black people, handicaps, women, and the irish.

Niccolai said:

By being a piece of shit yourself?
Don't do anyone any favors.

I'm going to punch you in the mouth with my Irish fist, Niccolai.

Niccolai said:

Then you just answered your own stupid question.

if someones a pot head then it'll show in their work and they'll be fired for incompetence not for failing a drug test. i think drug tests are just a twisted system. it's just so big companies can get insurance and tax breaks. it doesn't actually solve any problem.

Josh_Martin said:

Just don't ask me to take a piss test for you after you steal money from me to buy afghani black and we're cool.

ha i typed in black handicapped women into the image search and came up with this...



now thats kvlt.

pam said:

For the record Pam, I would TOTALLY employ irish people if I ran a buisiness.





..I don't want the irish mafia on my ass.

DeRtOxIa said:

That's not necessarily true. I'm an excellent worker and I love pot. Lazy, shitty workers and lazy shitty workers, I don't think pot has anything to do with your work ethic.

Niccolai said:

God damn right.

pam said:

Pam beat me to it.

There are way more potheads in the workforce than most people realize.

Everybody at my work does drugs. My boss gave me free drugs last time I worked.

Pam said:

i'm sure it effects certain peoples' work ethic to a certain degree, but it doesn't make or break the work ethic of people.

Most people who smoke weed are fully functional, I barely consider it a drug, but there's always gray area and there's always going to be a handful of retards that give everyone else a bad name.

pam said:


here here! Especially since I've worked with plenty of alcoholics and fuck ups in general who have no problem passing drug tests and keeping their jobs. damn the man.

Josh_Martin said:

There are probably more potheads and recreational, functional drug users in the workforce then not.

Alcohol is way worse than pot. When was the last time someone smoked themselves to death? Exactly.

DeRtOxIa said:

You know all the people that string all those heavy lights and thousands of pounds of sound gear above your favorite musician's head? Most of them are potheads. If they fuck up, people get crushed with 300lb motor chains, so no, potheads aren't incompetent, fuck you.

yeah if someone continually comes to work stoned, drunk or hungover and does a shitty job then they deserve to lose their job. if you have no problem separating your free time and company time then it shouldnt even be an issue. drug tests just make it so people who would otherwise have no reason to be fired get worried about their job security.

FuckIsMySignature said:

BAHAHAH that's great!

also just to be clear, i was stereotyping the "jim bruer" pothead. i know that 99.9% of marijuana users are not like that. but you mention pot to some company bigwig and the first thing he's gonna be thinking of is that classic cheech and chong pothead.

i'm not trying to offend anyone.

I've gotta say coked up bosses aren't fun, they tend to yell alot and be flaming pricks, the ones that smoke weed and drop acid are grrrreat though.