my 75 co worker is always saying funny shit without realizing it.

example- we were out at lunch eating some fish, walleye to be exact. Normally you may pick out a few little bones, but this time there were a shitload. we were all bitching about it and he says "well, seems to me they need to get a better boner"

on Friday me and him were putting together office chairs. We thought they were all supposed to be red and one was gray. He says "looks like we got a nigger in the woodpile"

anyone got any?

I'd a nigger wood in my piles.

my dad is getting so old he can only remember seinfeld quotes

My grandmother once drank a glass of sea monkeys.

I hope he says "it's go time" a lot

Watching football my dad still calls the Colts "Baltimore" and the Cardinals "St. Louis"

By the 2nd quarter of the Colts-Ravens 2006 AFC Divisional game he had resorted to calling the teams "Baltimore" and "Nigger Baltimore"

old dude at work one time threatened to call up his five brothers. he meant he was gonna punch the manager, he said this to him. now he's been fired...

he also said something about america being run by a nigger hahaha

my grandfather once told me that "you know it's time to check out when your balls are dipping into the tiolet water."

sean, best quote ever. As for me, some old dude showed up to work hammered once, manager takes him upstairs, old dude proceeds to shit his pants mid meeting, forcing the manager to kick him out and also throw the chair out because he shat right through it. Fast forward 2-3 hrs later, old dude shows up even more hammered, tries to use the phone, allthewhile STILL in his shitty jeans. That was it. He got fired. I miss that old dude. He was always sleeping and puking upstairs in the break room that no one ever went up there anymore.

i love old people. my friend's grandfather says the funniest shit.

one of the funniest old person sayings i've ever heard was on Wheel of Fortune. it was one of those "parent/child team" episodes and this 40 something woman was there with her obviously senile ancient father, and the clue was something to the effect of "RO_ _ _ B_ AL_OA", and the old guy blurts out at full volume "ROBIN BALBOA". hahahahahahahaha.

Me: Did you know that half the puerto rican population lives in NYC alone?

My gram(RIP): I thought they lived in Lawrence.

When I was about 12 over at my grandparents' house

My Mom: Dad, we're going to the mall this afternoon what do you want for your birthday this year?

My Grandfather: Whatever it is don't get me none of that nigger hockey shit like you did last year.

(He was referring to the Boston Celtics hat I picked out for him the previous year).

HAHA!

"Pussy at age 60 is still good, just keep the bra on"

when it's just my grandmother, brother, and our girlfriends around, she looks over her shoulder before she whispers the word "jewish".

she also once said that my cousin had a banana baby and then explained it without missing a beat. I thought that my brother was going to spit up into the mash potatoes.

"When the Beatles came out all the ladies went bananas over them. Never understood why. They just looked like a bunch of long haired faggots. At least Elvis looked like a man for Christ's sake."

- some guy doing HVAC work at my old job.

I'm amazed nobody's posted a Dwyer quote yet.

redundant?